Written by local people, for local people
To advertise, call 01892 531207


Published on August 13th, 2014 | by The Town Crier


Horse’s Mouth

At Town Crier, we occasionally get letters from readers seeking advice on all manner of personal situations. They could be questions of etiquette, social faux-pas or family matters. We are always happy to help and so we have enlisted the help of a local stalwart who in her own words has seen it all and calls a spade a gardener. Lady Ophelia d’Knight, (Offa to her friends, but we’re allowed to call her lady d’Knight), will be happy to answer any of your queries in future issues.

Dear Ladyd’Knight

My 22-year-old son has started to invite his girlfriend her to family occasions such as barbecues and, recently, she has come to watch a couple of World Cup games on TV. Unfortunately, my two other sons (16 and 26), and to a certain extent, my husband, do not want her at these occasions: the dynamics of the family change, and we all have to talk about pony riding and how “tiny” she is, rather than the football or Game of Thrones. I have tried explaining to them it is not unusual for girlfriends to be brought along to such family events, but apparently watching the World Cup is “non-negotiable” as far as girlfriends are concerned. I feel awful for my son as he cannot understand why his girlfriend isn’t welcome.


Dear NW

Of course your son should be allowed to invite his girlfriend to family events, but that doesn’t mean the family have to like her. To be honest, with her chat of ponies and her own petiteness, which as far as I’m concerned just screams ‘look at me’, she does sound fairly insufferable. If she had arrived armed with a bottle and an interest in football then I think she would have met with a very different reaction. I imagine what will happen is your son will stop inviting this girl around – or even begin to see her through the eyes of his father and brothers and finish with her., otherwise you’re in for a really teeny tiny My Little Pony-themed wedding!

Lady d’Knight

Dear Lady d’Knight

In last month’s issue you wrote about the wearing of a banana hammock swimming costume. I agree that these are unsightly and I wouldn’t be seen dead in one, however, I am a reasonably fit man in my early 40s, and my practical choice of swimwear is my trustee Speedos. I say practical as I actually swim rather than pose. My wife and children have vetoed my choice of swimming trunks for this summer’s holiday as “too revealing”. How can I convince them otherwise?


Dear BB

I think the most pertinent bit of your letter, is when you refer to your Speedos as ‘trustee’. This would infer at least a few years of use. Swimming costume material not only loses its elasticity but also becomes quite diaphanous. Perhaps when your family refer to your trunks as revealing, they mean just that.

This month and last I have undergone a crammer course on men’s swimwear and have come to the conclusion that Speedos are for Tom Daley, and his ilk only. What your family is trying to say is that they are embarrassed by your choice of trunks. Look around, you will find something in-between a voluminous clown-like trunk and a pouch of lycra.

Lady Offa d’Knight



About the Author

Leave a Reply

Back to Top ↑