As Tom explains, “my interest in this important work stems from my life experiences in the British Army when I served on operations in Iraq and Afghanistan and, most recently, as the military assistant to the Chief of the Defence Staff.” It was only a few months ago that Tom received a round of applause in the House of Commons for an emotional speech concerning the withdrawal of troops from Afghanistan. In that speech Tom told MPs, as events in Afghanistan unfolded, like many veterans, he had to “struggle through anger, grief and rage”.

The Founder and Co-Director of the Lifestyle Health Foundation is local Tonbridge resident, Dr Neil Bindemann. Neil experienced an acquired mind injury when he underwent urgent neurosurgery in 2015 and was subsequently given the news, he would be living with a brain tumour. “For me, setting up the Lifestyle Health Foundation is about recognising the tremendous value of learning through lived experiences, and I am thrilled to have Tom’s support. I look forward to our ‘In Conversation with….’ live webinar in the April”. 

The webinar which you can register to attend by going to www.lifestylehealth.org.uk, is to take place in the evening of Friday 22^nd April. It is hoped that Foundation Co-Director and ex-BBC Radio 4 news presenter, Diana Speed, will join the conversation.

Read more about the Lifestyle Health Foundation at www.lifestylehealth.org.uk’

Helen sings the alto chorus part in major choral works to performance standard. She and the Choral Society are currently working on the theatrical Requiem by Guiseppe Verdi for a concert at the RTW Assembly Hall Theatre on 10 April. The Requiem Mass – from the composer of operas such as Rigoletto, La Traviata and Aida – is often regarded as more operatic than religious in style, better suited to concert hall than church. It is a challenge for all members of the Choir to perfect; but for Helen, it is even more difficult.

“As everyone else collects their scores at the first rehearsal of a new work, I think how easy it is for them. I have to source my own music in Braille.”

Braille is a tactile means of reading for the blind in the form of raised dots in patterns that represent letters of the alphabet. Not only the pitch of each note, but sharps, flats, rests and other details are represented by sets of letters. Helen’s fingers move over the thick cream sheets of her score as rapidly as the sighted read the written word, feeling words with her left hand and music with her right.

 “Go to page 193,” announces Music Director Robyn Sevastos at rehearsal, but the page numbers in Helen’s score don’t match. She can’t watch the conductor for the signs to start singing, and for the beat, which keeps the choir singing in time and together.

“I need to remember the sound and patterns of the whole work, she said.

She also relies on her acute hearing, and “my counting has to be spot on, too.”

 “The upside is that when I sing, I am not blind at all, I’m just the same as everyone else. Singing gives me a wonderful sense of freedom, like being able to run without fear of knocking into everything.”

After graduating in English from St Hilda’s College, Oxford, Helen went to into teaching – at Cheltenham Ladies’ College, and later at TWGGS (Tunbridge Wells Girls’ Grammar School, where she was introduced to the RTW Choral Society by members of staff. Later, she studied for a Diploma in Theology and was ordained, serving at St John’s Church in Amherst Road, Tunbridge Wells, where the Choral Society has long rehearsed. She worked in other parishes for 35 years, before returning to Tunbridge Wells on retirement, and rejoining RTWCS.

Helen will be singing with RTWCS in Verdi’s Requiem in the Assembly Hall Theatre, Tunbridge Wells, on Sunday 10 April at 3pm. Tickets £13–25, children & students £8-£14, including booking fee. To book, visit https://rtwcs.org.uk, buy from Assembly Hall Theatre box office, tel: 01892 530613

Even parents are human too, and there are times we get it wrong, many times in my case!  We fly off the handle, lose our cool, say things we regret, and it sometimes leaves our relationships feel unfixable, particularly with teens.  But how often do we actually own up to our part in this? 

Our children seem to know all the right buttons to press, and it is easy to put the blame on them, but these wise words; ‘Our kids are not giving us a hard time, they are having a hard time’ are a good reminder to look beyond their behaviour and our own, to what is really going on.

Remember, our children’s behaviour is an attempt to communicate with us in the only way they know how, and we need to honour that. If they could use their words, they would, but that isn’t always possible.  In the words of L R Knost, an award-winning author and feminist; ‘When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it’s our job to share our calm, not join their chaos’.

We all want our children to be resilient and happy, but what can we do to help make this happen?

Professor of psychiatry Dr. Dan Siegel believes for children to feel secure; they need to be seen, soothed and kept safe, which makes up his four S model, but I would like to add a fifth S for good measure; the word sorry.

For your child to feel seen by you, he needs to know you genuinely love him for who he is; that means taking the time to really stop and notice what is really going on for him, and showing him, you understand and cherish him, even when you may not particularly like his behaviour.

For your child to feel soothed by you, she needs your help to make her feel calmer.  Her distress is scary and overwhelming, and she needs you to co-regulate these out-of-control emotions, until she has learned to soothe herself.

Keeping children safe does not just mean physically, it means emotionally too.  They need us to be attuned to what they need, when they need it, to know they will be safe and secure with us.  However, parenting isn’t our sole purpose in life; we have competing tasks of work, other family members, household chores all requiring our attention, on top of our own varying moods and levels of tiredness. We will never get it 100% right and that is okay.  We try our best and that is good enough, as long as, when we don’t get it right, we act.  This is where the word sorry comes in.

There’s a common (though unwarranted) fear that an apology is an admission of fault or weakness, or that it undermines our parental authority. Yet every child knows deep down when someone has done a bad thing, including mum and dad. When parents insist they can do no wrong, it sets the stage for moral confusion. The child may start to doubt their innate sense of right and wrong. To ignore this is to risk damaging your child’s self-esteem and skewing his or her emerging moral compass.

It’s too easy to let shame or denial set in when we have lost control and not done the best by our kids, but leaving this to fester, does deepen the disconnect in our relationship with our children.  By acknowledging your part in the issue, you are not only showing them you value them and your relationship, but also modelling how healthy relationships work; teaching kids it is possible to say sorry and reconnect with friends and family.So, don’t let a little word come between you and your child. Go on, be brave.  Say sorry. You and your child will benefit now, and in the future.

The situation was not helped by the arrival of Storm Eunice in the middle of February, which caused considerable damage. Mostly it was only relatively minor trees that came down and we were able to re-open the great majority of footpaths within a couple of days. As ever, it was predominantly Birch trees that were affected but we did lose a few major trees as well, the most prominent being the large, triple stemmed Oak that came down by Brighton Lake and partially blocked the A26 for a while. Nothing had been visible above ground but after the storm, it was clear that the root system of the tree had been infected with a rotting fungus for some time. The road was quickly re-opened and we made the rest of the tree safe in the ensuing days but the wreckage of the tree had to stay there until contractors were able to chip the branches and remove the trunks, which we will use to reinforce the Commons verges in vulnerable areas. Hopefully that will be the last of the storms for this year but that is by no means certain.

The Volunteers have also now finished cutting and clearing but the litter group will continue under Gemma’s guidance. The final conservation task was the clearance of a few footpaths restricted by fallen branches and the removal of self-sown seedlings from the grassland near the Tarry Path Pond. It was nice to see quite a bit of frog spawn in the pond already. As I write this, Fir Tree Pond, Cabbage Stalk Lane Pond and the new Marlpit ponds also have frog spawn in them and Toads are gathering in Brighton Lake; I have not seen any newts yet but they will surely not be far behind.

As the seasons change again, our focus moves to the renovation of our infrastructure, such as benches, bins and surfaced paths. Within the next couple of weeks, we will of course also be starting to cut the amenity grass areas and so the whole cycle of work starts again.

Although there is always plenty to do, the next few months are traditionally my quietest time of the year and the time that I get to watch the Common re-awaken. This year will of course be my last as Warden, so I intend to absolutely enjoy it to the full and savour every minute of it. My successor has now been appointed and will take up the post of Commons Ranger at the start of June. I will retire as Warden at the end of June after a month’s handover period. I am not entirely sure why the title of my post is changing from Warden to Ranger but it would seem to mean that I will remain the first and only Warden of the Commons, which is rather a fun thought!

Steve Budden – Commons Warden

We can help you to understand what benefits and support are available for families and how to apply for them.

Child Benefit

You get Child Benefit if you’re responsible a child who is under 16 (or under 20 if they stay in approved education or training). By claiming, you can get NI credits which count towards your State Pension. Your child will automatically get a NI number when they’re 16 years old. If you choose not to get Child Benefit payments, you should still fill in and send off the claim form.

Help paying for childcare

You can get help paying for childcare if it is ‘approved childcare’. This usually means the childcare provider is registered with Ofsted. We can help you to find a nursery school place, a registered childminder or search for free early education and childcare.

Universal Credit

The DWP classes a ‘family’ as a single claimant or couple claimants who are responsible for one or more children or qualifying young persons. With Universal Credit, you could get regular monthly payments, which do not necessarily stop when you start work. This may make it easier to combine work with being a parent or take part-time, flexible or temporary jobs to help you gain valuable skills and avoid CV gaps. For more information, get in touch with us.

For more information or help about Benefits and support for families or general advice, contact Paddock Wood Community Advice Centre at 64 Commercial Road, Paddock Wood, TN12 6DP Email: info@pwadvice.org Tel: 01892838619