This year’s panto stars Mark Moraghan known to millions for his portrayal of Owen Davis in the medical drama television series, Holby City, and more recently as the narrator of much-loved children’s TV show Thomas The Tank Engine.He has also appeared in series such as Brookside, Heartbeat and Celebrity Master Chef. This year he will play the dastardly villain Captain Hook in a production once again staged by the world’s largest pantomime producer, UK Productions.
Joining mark in Neverland will be presenter, Gemma Hunt as Tinker Bell. She regularly hosted CBBC’s live coverage at Wimbledon, and appeared in Chucklevision and the Cbeebies pantomime.
The show promises magical family entertainment for the festive season – what would Christmas be without pantomime? Especially one full of pirates, fairies, flying scenes, and great music. We guarantee you’ll be hooked by the magical kingdom of Neverland!

Produced by Martin Dodd from UK Productions, PETER PAN will be live on stage at the Assembly Hall Theatre, Tunbridge Wells from Friday 12 December and runs until Sunday 4 January. Tickets are available from the Assembly Hall Theatre Box Office 01892 530613 or online at www.assemblyhalltheatre.co.uk.

Dear Lady d’knight

My friend and I are hoping that you will be able to lay to rest an argument that we have been having. She is French and I am English. She claims that French Women have much better underwear than British women and more of it and I believe that this being the home of Marks and Spencer, purveyors of knickers to princesses and pop stars, that we have drawers of draws. (Speaking personally, it certainly wouldn’t be my knickers that would let me down if I got run over).

Your name would imply that you have got some French in you, whilst also being an expert on British etiquette and as such will be able to give us an unbiased opinion.

Thank you in advance

KB

Dear KB

I don’t normally discuss underwear in public, but I shall make an exception. My French name comes courtesy of my second husband, but I am well versed in French women and their ways having spent some years living in Paris. I also consulted my good friend La Comtesse de la Frou Frou to ask for her opinion.

She said that on the whole French women think that British women may have lots of underwear, some of it might even match, but they don’t take care of it properly. In fact she said that when ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ first came out, the French thought it must be a British underwear range. Oh how I laughed, well at least to her face.

I think it is true to say that the French certainly produce some of the most expensive lingerie ranges, and very pretty some of them are too. But when you live in the country that uses the least soap per head in Europe, wearing pretty pants doesn’t count for anything, as I pointed out to the Comtesse. I did worry a little later that my memory may have let me down, and that the survey I had seen some time ago, was in fact referring to soup. Oh well, we are no longer speaking so it doesn’t matter. C’est la vie…

Lady d’Knight

Dear Lady d’Knight

My husband and I have been invited to a friend’s daughter’s wedding. When enquiring about the gift list, we were told to buy John Lewis vouchers, which seems terribly impersonal to me. Do you think that we should stick with this or is it acceptable to go ‘off list’ and choose a gift?

AA

Dear AA

I know that it goes against the more traditional grain and feels crass to give the bride and groom what effectively amounts to money, but in this day and age when couples ‘shack up’ before they’re married, they will have already furnished a property. I find it quite a relief in some ways that I’m not subjected to other peoples’ terrible taste. Some of the gifts that have featured on wedding lists are just embarrassing. I remember one particular item – a spiral spice rack that played a Spice Girls tune when turned, just hideous.

Buy them the vouchers safe in the knowledge that you’re giving them what they want, what they really, really want.

Lady Offa d’Knight

It seems that pretty much every week of my life since about the age of 13 has started with the phrase, ‘I’m going on a diet’. By Tuesday, when I haven’t lost half a stone, my will power goes out of the window and I break my diet, again.

My husband, by contrast, has never dieted. He’s never ordered a salad instead of chips or skipped a meal through choice. A liquid lunch would involve beer rather than one of those god awful meal replacement drinks. And he certainly doesn’t have different sets of clothes depending on whether he’s going through a fat or thin stage.

Recently, however, he decided that he would like to shift a few pounds, call it the ‘Hairy Dieters Phenomenon’. I suspect that like a lot of men in the country he perceives The Hairy Bikers as proper men, unlike the ‘unctuous’ Nigel Slater, the ‘pukka’ Jamie Oliver or the ‘*!?@*#’, perma-tanned, hair highlighted Gordon Ramsey. (And just for the record Gordon, fabulous cook but swearing doesn’t make you manly). The Hairy Bikers have worked their way around the world on motorbikes, cooking and eating fat-laden dishes, every other one of them a pie of some sort, whilst oozing Geordie charm. Unsurprisingly, they put on a few pounds, unavoidable really. So, when they recently shed 6 stone between them, by sticking to a 1200 calories a day diet, filming it all and finding ways to produce low calorie pies, pasties and curries, who do you think has been the main consumer of the accompanying book? Blokes of course!

The book has sold out more times than they’ve had hot pies, but we are now the proud owners of a copy. Flicking through it I can already tell that’s it’s not a diet plan aimed at women. We know through years of experience that the only way to diet is to suffer. Why replace 1 sort of pie with a low calorie version when pies have never been part of our lives? Diet food is not supposed to be full of flavour. For some reason I think that if I spend time cooking and following a recipe, it should be to produce a full fat version of something in portion sizes fit for a (rather fat) king. But now in our house, it’s all about dry-frying and low fat mayonnaise, our little Friday/Saturday night drinks have become much drier affairs, in fact more like a party for one. And wouldn’t you know it, the weights falling off my other half. It’s like living with the incredible shrinking man, and rather than using this opportunity to shed a few pounds myself, I am perversely snacking and nibbling more. I hate the fact that he is able to diet so much better than me, beginners luck perhaps? But I should do something soon because he’ll weigh less than I do, and that, like white socks and sandals, is a complete no-no. I am very begrudgingly proud of him, but I hope he buys some smaller jeans soon so he can stop showing me how loose his waistband is…

Mediocre Mother