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Published on January 30th, 2013 | by Mediocre Mother

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Musings of a Mediocre Mother

Even if I’d just awoken from a coma, a glance at this weekends’ papers would have told me that it’s January. Nearly every paper had a screaming headline about dieting or getting fit. Here we go again, like ground hog day, I start the New Year full of resolve that this year really will be the one when I lose weight. (Quite easy to say as I’m currently also full of biscuits).

I’m quite a cynical person, particularly when I feel I’m being sold to, (I think the Anglian Windows woman probably still has nightmares about her visit to me) and yet I’m drawn in by the promises of every new diet. This year’s wonder plan is to fast, well, consume 500 calories, but only for 2 days a week. The other 5 you can ‘eat what you want’. Except, when you check the small print, this means not consuming over 2000 calories, which if I’d stuck to in the first place, I wouldn’t be considering the fasting diet.

Sounds feasible especially as my idea of dieting usually consists of 2 days eating very little and then giving up, so I read on. Both the Mail on Sunday, and The Sunday Times featured the diet, with the Mails’ being championed by one of their journalists, Mimi Spencer.

She started by saying that she’d taken control of her body over the last year, upping the pilates and yoga and shifting a stone by following the Fast Diet. Sounds good I thought. She also said that she’d never really lost the extra baby weight she’d gained. I can empathise with that. Her weight had crept up to, (dramatic pause), 9 and a half stone!

Well boo bloody hoo. If I weighed 9 and a half stone I’d march down the Pantiles with a sign stuck to my bum, declaring for all the world to see, how little I weighed. I dream of being that weight. I’d need to lose over 2 stone to get to her pre-diet weight. And it’s not as if she’s short. At 5’7’’ she’s above average height, so she might have been pushing a size 10 before her weight loss. I suppose though, that might be enough to get her drummed out of the skinny fashionista club.

For someone who had been disciplined enough to maintain a pre-baby weight at 8 stone 7, sticking to a diet is probably a doddle. But how would a real, size 16 woman fare on this diet? If anyone finds out, please let me know…

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In the last issue, I talked about signs of middle-aging. I have another example that I wish to share with you.

A couple of months ago, I and a group of, I think well preserved, 40 something women went to the Tunbridge Wells Bar and Grill. As we entered, coiffed, made-up and generally looking pretty foxy, I fancied that we might have turned a head or 2 (probably the youngsters at the bar wondering if their mums had come to get them). We were shown to our table, where the lighting was low and therefore quite flattering to an older skin. The waiter came with our menus which is when the trouble began.

One of us declared that without her glasses there was no way she’d be able to read the menu, and so it was read to her. Another had to have the menu held at arms’ length to be able to decipher what was printed and some of us risked a fire hazard having to follow the menu line by line with a candle… Illusion shattered.

Mediocre Mother

 

 

 


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