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Published on May 22nd, 2013 | by Perrin


Horse’s Mouth

At Town Crier, we occasionally get letters from readers seeking advice on all manner of personal situations. They could be questions of etiquette, social faux-pas or family matters. We are always happy to help and so we have enlisted the help of a local stalwart who in her own words has seen it all and calls a spade a gardener. Lady Ophelia d’Knight, (Offa to her friends, but we’re allowed to call her lady d’Knight), will be happy to answer any of your queries in future issues.

Dear Lady d’Knight

My daughter is completely besotted by the boy band One Direction, and in particular Harry Styles. There’s not an inch of her bedroom walls left uncovered by pictures of him and she spends hours on the internet looking for snippets of news and pictures. I spent a fortune on tickets to see them at the O2 hoping that it might make things better but I can hardly get her to talk to me let alone do her homework. Do you have any advice for me?


Dear WM

I remember it was the same in my day. My friends and I were all in love with Liberace; the showmanship, his musical talent, the costumes and his beautiful bouffant hair. I thought I would die if I never met him. Of course I didn’t, I just grew out of it. We now know of course that even if I had, he would not have been interested in me but rather my male friends. I still find it hard to believe that he was gay. We just thought he took a lot of pride and interest in his appearance, much like the pop stars of today who are buffed, waxed and coiffed to within an inch of their lives, but nobody questions it.

Every generation has their pop stars who break hearts. Just be pleased that she’s not mooning about over a ‘real’ boy, one that she could get her hands on and vice versa. This is an innocent love and one that you can rest assured will remain unrequited, it will eventually fade to be replaced, I’m sure, by another.

As for you, however, I think you should think about how much time she’s allowed to spend on the internet. Remember, you’re in charge.

Lady d’Knight

Dear Lady d’Knight

My husband and I have been married for 5 year and I am now 35, the age at which according to both sets of parents, my biological clock should be counting down to having a baby. Neither my husband nor I particularly want kids and have tried to say as much but our words have fallen on deaf ears. How can we make our relatives understand our decision?


Dear CF

I think you are both wise and unselfish. It is a brave couple who say they like their lives as they are and perhaps in doing so, acknowledge that they wouldn’t be the best parents. Although a mother myself who has had countless moments of joy watching my children playing with the nanny, I can see the reasons for not having them which perhaps you should point out to your relatives:-

1)      They’re expensive

2)      They’re killing the planet, overpopulation drains the natural resources

3)      They’re time consuming, finding the right nanny can take days

4)      They can be a strain on a relationship, I don’t need any help in that department

5)      And actually you don’t want them

Your parents will have to come around to the idea; you are not there just to provide grandchildren after all.

Lady Offa d’Knight


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